C. THE CAUTIONS IN SPANKING
Parents (and only the parents of a child) are to spank when there is clear-cut rebellion to authority. Again, it is a measured, careful, timely and controlled act of love toward the child who has distanced himself or herself by insubordinate actions.
The best way to think of this is as a rescue mission. As a parent, you are on a mission to redeem your child from foolishness. Since God has commanded your children to obey you (Eph. 6:1), it is not an act of kindness to allow them to get away with rebellion. To do so is a severe disservice to your kids and undercuts your parental headship in the institution of the family.
As was stated previously, it is akin (in the institution of government) to the police force becoming passive on crime, or the elders in the church turning their eyes away from evil. There is no difference in principle. Your God-given authority (in any institution) will deteriorate if you fail to act as a loving, authoritative, disciplinarian.
Having said that, there are at least four ways in which spanking can be performed incorrectly. They are:
1. SPANKING WITH ANGER
James 1:20 says, “For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” The biblical injunction to spank does not mean that God gives parents the right to become angry in the process. Spanking should be done in love in order to restore. Ephesians 6:4 echoes this principle, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
2. SPANKING WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
When Proverbs speaks of violence it is the Hebrew word betsa, meaning “unjust or dishonest gain, illicit gain, plunder.” The rod is specifically for the particular purpose of correction and discipline; meaning that Scripture does not grant parents the uncontrolled use of physical force. Such license is found nowhere in the scriptural concept. Parents who bully their children will crush their children’s spirit and lose their loyalty—grossly failing to achieve the biblical purpose of corporal punishment. The following Proverbs underscore the negative fruits of violent behavior, be it a parent who disciplines abusively or any other violent activity:
1:19 So are the ways of everyone who gains by violence; it takes away the life of its possessors.
3:31 Do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways.
16:29 A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good.
The root word for entice can also be translated “persuade or lure.” A man of violence persuades his child to follow in his own violent patterns.
Many of today’s prison inmates suffered at the hands of violent, abusive parents or guardians. Perhaps this motivates anti-spanking legislation. Wisdom suggests, however, that society will grow far worse if spanking is banned. If spanking is outlawed in the home today, the police force will have to absorb that affect tomorrow. Familial discipline is much more effective than state discipline. For the government to prohibit families from performing their God-ordained responsibilities (in the area of parental discipline) is to incur a workload without infrastructure. The prison overcrowding crisis of today is nothing compared to what will be, if parents are prohibited from properly correcting the errant behavior of their children. A careful, wise lawmaker allows the family to discipline citizens at a young age rather than taking on the family’s assignment.
3. SPANKING WITH FRUSTRATION
Spanking is not the venue for venting one’s frustrations.
4:17 For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.
In the Legislators’ Bible Study several weeks ago we learned that “strong drink is a brawler” (20:1). Alcoholism and violence usually go hand in hand. The abuse of alcohol and the abuse of children are kindred folk. Again, the rod requires careful, timely, measured and controlled use—all opposites to intoxication.
21:7 The violence of the wicked will drag them away, because they refuse to act with justice.
Spanking for reasons other than a child’s rebellion will have a highly injurious and destructive effect. Keep in mind that if a child is spanked unjustly—out of the parent’s frustration rather than as a result of his or her sin—it will cause further separation, versus rescuing, bonding, and restoration.
4. SPANKING WITH RETRIBUTION
13:2 From the fruit of a man’s mouth he enjoys good, but the desire of the treacherous is violence.
Treachery carries the idea of an insecure footing, the idea of a lack of trust. Whether on the part of the parent or the child, biblical corporal punishment does not carry the idea of getting even. An overly authoritarian parent who attempts to extract a “pound of flesh” will not endear a child’s heart. A vengeful spirit in spanking will only drive children further away, fostering a spirit of distrust, suspicion, and provocation.
(To be concluded tomorrow)
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