Thursday, January 31, 2008

Humour: Top Ten Lesser Known Arguments for the Existence of God

From Carrie Hunter@

For those familiar with Christian apologetics you will know of the long standing arguments that are often employed to argue for the existence of God.

The Kalaam Cosmological Argument – impossibility of an infinite regress of physical causes and effects.

The Teleological Argument – The glaring evidence of design within the universe, the world, and the human body (not just the “appearance of design” as Richard Dawkins asserts to his embarrassment).

The Moral Argument – That mankind is governed by an objective morality that with which we seem to innately identify.

The Ontological Argument – Hmmm… this one is tough … God is the greatest conceivable being therefore because we can conceive of Him, it stands to reason He does in fact exist.

Well seeing as how the above arguments are quite convincing it is understandable that the lesser known arguments go unused and even unnoticed.

It is often said that the best way to go about the study of God is by studying man. I feel that the arguments listed below accurately reflect the human condition and subsequently point to something outside of ourselves to which we often appeal. So I think they are at least worthy of consideration.

10. The Road Rage Argument – more people not succumbing to road rage is evidence of God existence. That I don’t succumb to road rage personally is evidence of His existence. Have you ever been stuck behind a long line of soccer moms creeping along in their SUVs drinking Starbucks and talking on their cell phones in Peachtree City? Oh I have, and the fact that I haven’t climbed out of my vehicle (Dukes of Hazzard style) to pummel them is evidence that God exist. (Evidence of common grace as well but I digress…)

9. The “Stop Looking at Me” Argument – again, this is to do with mankind’s ability to constrain their wrath. How many times a day has a mom or dad heard one of their children say to another “Stop looking at me”? It isn’t simply the words said but the sound that accompanies it. A sound which echoes throughout the house or car with such volume, that it has been know to draw blood from even the most resilient ear drum. That parents don’t lose their sanity completely from such things is evidence that God exists.

8. The “Stop Touching Me” Argument - this mimics the “Stop Looking at Me Argument”. (These two can be used interchangeably.)

7. The Post Office Argument – Standing in line at the post office as apathetic postal workers shuffle back and forth at a sloth like pace can try even the most patient of souls. That we can do this and still avoid jumping on the counter and wrapping their heads with packing tape and bubble wrap whilst screaming “WHY ARE YOU SO SLOW” is evidence God exist.

6. The Hammered Thumb Argument – at one point or another when one is engaging in their woodworking hobby, or hanging a picture, or taking the DIY approach to home improvement, they will invariably hit their thumb with a hammer. Upon this happening assent is always given to God to where His very name is called out. Moreover God is petitioned with a request to send damnation upon the situation. Not only does this evidence God’s existence it displays an inherent knowledge that God has the ability to damn things.

5. The “How Did They Miss That?” Argument – it would seem that even the most harden atheist finds himself looking upward when viewing (insert name of any given sporting event here) as to ask “why?!!” when a ball is fumbled, or a player fouls out, or gets the red card, or the clock runs down in the final game of the season leaving them with the harsh realization that they have to wait yet another year for it to be “there year”. One looks up as to ask “God, why did this happen. Is their no justice?!” The involuntary action of looking upwards for the answers points to God being there. He is there and He is not silent. (Not silent because He is laughing at the horrible defense in the game.)

4. The Britney Spears Argument – upon seeing the latest footage of Britney Spears on the news the words “Oh My God” are often spoken. This is not only an argument for God’s existence but one against Deism as the phrase “Oh My God” contains the possessive pronoun “my” which indicates a relational aspect between God’s existence and our own.

3. The Dial-Up Argument – For those in this world still on a dial-up internet connection, (yes I know you are out there and maybe reading this albeit 15 hours after clicking on the link that led to this blog) prayers to God for “it” (anything) to download faster are often heard. In some way people are aware of God’s sovereign hand on all situations, including sluggish downloads on slow internet connection and they plead with Him for whatever “it” is to hurry up already!

2. The Windows Argument –.this argument became somewhat outmoded when XP was introduced. However in a bygone era called B.XP (Before XP), the PC user would routinely be met with the now infamous “Blue Wall of Death” and end up calling out God’s name. And like those exampled in the Hammered Thumb Argument requests for damnation (on their computer [and Bill Gates]) were frequent.

*** With the advent of Vista however this argument is now more relevant than ever. Nothing works with Vista, and God is frequently called upon as a result. Requests for damnation at an all time high…

1. The Maxwell House Argument – This is probably my favorite argument. I once heard Greg Koukl I believe it was say that he is “an atheist before his first cup of coffee”. I can certainly identify with such a statement. I think coffee governs a lot of the situations found within the other arguments. So it is my contention that because coffee exist therefore God exist. “I drink, therefore I AM”.

No comments: