When to Overlook and When to Confront in a Conflict

Wayne Writes:
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Part three of The Peacemaker by Ken Sande is about the need to "Go and Show Your Brother His Fault."
Once you have identified God's concerns and taken responsibility for your contributions to a conflict, it may be necessary to talk to others about their shortcomings. Many people do not like to confront others. This is especially true in modern society, where the accepted rule is "you mind your business and I'll mind mine" (p. 219).Proverbs 19:11 says, "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense." Some things are not worth fighting over. Many times the best way to resolve a conflict is to overlook a wrong done against us. Of course, if we overlook an offense, we can't store it away as ammunition for a future conflict.But there are times when we should not overlook an offense. Sometimes I'll bring up the title of David Augsburger's book Caring Enough Not to Forgive, just for its shock value. The basic premise is that there are times when we have to confront wrongdoing and deal with it before forgiveness is granted.When should we confront and when do we overlook a wrong? John MacArthur has an article, adapted from his book The Freedom and Power of Forgiveness, in which he addresses How can we know when it is best to forgive or confront?

1. Whenever possible, especially if the offense is petty or unintentional, it is best to forgive unilaterally.
2. If you are the only injured party, even if the offense was public and flagrant, you may choose to forgive unilaterally.
3. If you observe a serious offense that is a sin against someone other than you, confront the offender.
4. When ignoring an offense might hurt the offender, confront the guilty party.
5. When a sin is scandalous or otherwise potentially damaging to the body of Christ, the guilty party should be confronted.
6. Any time an offense results in a broken relationship, confrontation of the sinner should occur.