Every once in awhile I stumble upon a book that says exactly what I’ve been thinking, but have been unable to articulate. Joshua Harris has done that in his book, Stop Dating the Church. One thing I like about Harris is that he has the boldness to say in writing what many of us have been too timid to shout from the rooftops (or even whisper in private admonishment to fellow believers). That is, that
Yet, that is right where our “
But that is not what the typical church-hopper is looking for today. So, like the recreational dater who has already “dumped” half a dozen potential mates, many of today’s
In Harris’ helpful little book, he provides us with what he calls the profile of a church dater, i.e., the person who wants all the benefits and image of church association without the discipline of real commitment. The author challenges all of us to examine ourselves to see if we have inadvertanty picked up any aspects of this mentality. If we are a church dater, Harris says, we will possess at least one of three attitudes:
First, our attitude toward church tends to be me centered. We go for what we can get—social interaction, programs, or activities. The driving question is, ‘What can church do for me?’
A second sign of a church-dater is being independent. We go to church because that’s what
Most essentially, a church-dater tends to be critical. We are short on allegiance and quick to find fault in our church. We treat church with a consumer mentality—looking for the best product for the price of our Sunday morning. As a result, we’re fickle and not invested for the long-term, like a lover with a wandering eye, always on the hunt for something better. [i]
It is clear that this is not what the apostles envisioned a
From observation, I’d like to add a fourth characteristic to Harris’ profile. Church daters are also prone to let their children decide where the family goes to church. The excuses sound something like: “Our kids like the music better at Cutting Edge Church,” or “Our teenagers think the youth group at First Cool Church of Fleshly Entertainment is more exciting,” or “I know the biblical teaching may not be very strong and some of their doctrine may be off base, but there’s more for our kids at Eleventh Program Church.” All the while, God is asking, “Just who did I put in charge of the family anyway?” I must confess, I never cease to be amazed at the excuses we as men can create to hide our failure to be the spiritual leaders in our homes. But we will one day answer for that. That is a sure thing! (For an Old Testament example of what happens when fathers neglect their responsibility to be strong spiritual leaders, read Psalm 78).
Now, I certainly am not saying there is never a time to leave a church. There are many churches today that are going down a road wholly different from the narrow, Scriptural way they once traveled. Their “worship” is now a polished, highly-charged, entertainment-driven version of the Tonight Show, complete with drama in place of preaching because, after all, everyone knows “we are now ministering in a visual age.” Their main teaching curriculum is no longer the Bible, but the latest bestseller for the adults and, for children, the flashiest animated moralism available on video or DVD—no matter how dumbed down the spiritual content may be. Clearly, these are times that faithfulness to God and His Word require the courageous man to lead his family elsewhere lest the silent toleration of unbiblical teaching and worldly methodology erode his years of influence and weaken the call to discipleship for generations to come. When biblical truth is at stake, there is no other option. In a case like this, if a church member has addressed his concern to the appropriate leaders and it has fallen on deaf ears because the new course has already been set, this man will be disobedient to God if he does not leave his church, no matter how many years he has been there or how many of his friends remain. If he lacks this courage, the convictions he once held dear will be worn down to mere personal preferences in a postmodern “everyone’s beliefs are equal” culture.
By now it shouldn’t be hard to see that my heart burns with a passion for the local church to return to its New Testament roots, not only in doctrine; but also in philosophy, priorities, and practice; and for individual believers to regain a biblical understanding of the role of the local church in their lives. The sooner we learn that we are not called to be consumers on the hunt for the best buy, but worshippers in pursuit of a closer walk of obedience to our holy God, the better off we, the church, and the world will be.
Paul Tautges
(This article was originally published online in August 2005 at www.DelightintheWord.org )
P.S. My purpose in this article was to address the problem of believers who hop from church to church because of self-centered preferences rather than doctrinal reasons or issues related to an unbiblical philosophy of ministry or drift from the centrality of Christ and His Word. This pastor acknowledges the sad reality of believers today who are in need of a solid church in their geographical area. If you are one of them, I exhort you to get on your knees and pray that God will raise up a Christ-honoring assembly in your area either through you and other likeminded believers or a plant off a larger church. May Christ, the Head of the Church, be glorified! Until He returns...let us pursue faithfulness.
To learn more about what a biblical church looks like, see the excellent resources at www.9marks.org
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