God's Model of Parenting

Have you ever noticed how many different approaches you watch parents take with their kids? Some parents treat their kids like little buddies—that accepting friend they always wanted but could never find. Others are the exact opposite, ruling over their kids with an iron fist, enforcing good behavior with intimidation and threats. It's the dictator ruling over his subjects. And then you talk to some parents who are fulfilling dreams vicariously through the lives of their children. They enforce a strict regimen of disciplined training and study so the children will excel in sports, the arts, or education.
Whether a parent elevates the child unduly (friendship parenting), causes him to cower in fear (authoritarian parenting), or drives her to achieve (dream-fulfillment parenting), the poor kid completely misses the opportunity to enjoy what God created him or her to be...a kid. Childhood is lost because of the self-centeredness of the parent.
None of that has anything to do with God's design for childhood. Here's the approach God intended. It's simple, biblical, and we think your kids might like it a lot better. Here's John MacArthur to explain . . . http://www.gty.org/Blog/B101015

Parenting Our Kids: a parenting model

Buckle up for this fast paced seminar on parenting kids. This training video is an abbreviated version of CounselingSolutions workshop on parenting. Rick explains a good concept idea from Paul's model given in Ephesians 6:4 as well as four poor parenting models and how they adversely impact our kids.

Rick originally learned this teaching concept on parenting during his MA program at The Master's College in Santa Clarita, CA.

How to Exasperate Your Children

Erik Raymond @ http://www.irishcalvinist.com reviews the elements that he preached on Colossians 3. Reflecting on Col. 3:21 he came up with a list of 12 surefire ways to exasperate your children:

1. Be a hypocrite
2. Be a bully to them
3. Be harsh to them
4. Be Emotionally Distant from them
5. Show Favoritism to Other Kids
6. Have Unrealistic Standards
7. Be Mr Question your kid’s salvation guy
8. Be Mr Assure your kid’s salvation guy
9. Don’t discipline them
10. Discipline them without biblical instruction
11. Don’t teach them the Bible
12. Don’t connect discipline to the gospel

Here is the rest of the sermon:

How (Not) to Raise a Pharisee

Kurt Gebhards @http://www.sfpulpit.com , the Pastor of Children’s Ministries at Grace Church, suggests a few ways how not to raise a Pharisee.

He notes that the Bible gives us some definite character traits of the pretentious pietist, and here is what they may look like in a child:

His outward behavior and adherence to rules are driven by a desire to please men, not by a love for God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength (Mk. 12:30).

Doing good works and having them observed by adults is more important than the action itself (Mt. 6:5).

The child is openly obedient and responsive — asking to pray before bedtime with you — while maintaining a quietly deceitful and rebellious attitude (Gal. 6:7).

He scrupulously observes the letter of the law — like religiously bringing his Bible to church — but neglects the weightier spirit of the law — like sharing his favorite toys with his siblings (Mt. 23:23).

He craves the verbal praises and tangible rewards of his parents and teachers, but cares little for the approbation of God Himself (Jn. 12:43)

Left unchecked by the grace and Word of God, by the time such a child reaches his teenage years, hypocrisy can have entrenched itself.

This teen prefers well-defined, black and white rules, for they give him a sense of certainty that God must surely reward those achievements (Lk. 18:12).

He adds a layer of rules to the Word of God (like not watching any movies, not listening to popular music, et cetera), giving the impression that he holds to a higher standard than Holy Scripture (Mt. 23:4).

He tends to propose personal preferences as, or elevate them above, divine imperatives (Mt. 15:2-3).

He pursues perfectionism (Phil. 3:6), not excellence (Phil. 3:12-14).

He separates himself from others he considers of lesser cultural morality — people whose table manners, courtesy of speech, and refinement of mannerisms do not match middle-class norms (Lk. 15:1-2).

He is judgmental — he excels at fault-finding, he loves to pick verbal fights — and the standard by which he condemns others is not primarily biblical, but personal, preferential, or traditional (Mt. 7:5). He fights against many people, against many issues, but he does not know who he is fighting for.

In his final section the notes that we can certainly teach and militate against hypocrisy in the following ways:

Instead of just dealing with external behavior issues, we should seize every opportunity to help children understand that it is their hearts that generate their actions (Mt. 15:19). In His judgment of man, God looks at the heart (1 Sam.16:7). We should never equate occasions of good behavior (professions of love for Jesus, acts of compliance, et cetera) with saving faith in Jesus. We need to go beyond fixing wrong behavior to helping the child understand that his evil heart can only be changed by the Lord in regeneration.

Emphasize the affections of NT religion. Make sure that we are not just aiming at a young person’s understanding, but that we reach for the heart and its affections.

Do not encourage children to exhibit their talents and gifts to impress others. They should be reminded that all that they are and have are gifts of grace from God (1 Cor. 4:7), and they should not regard themselves more highly than they ought (Rom. 12:3).

Teach the truth about integrity — which comes from the word for “integer” or “whole.” For a child with integrity, whichever way you turn them, they look they same. Who they are at church, is who they are in school, is who they are at home. This is what our kids should be.

Do not be afraid to share our spiritual and moral failures with children in instances where they can identify with our shortcomings. This allows us to be authentic with them. It also allows us to demonstrate our response to God when we have done wrong, and our reliance on Him to continue molding our hearts.

Be authentic in your love for Christ. Genuine desire for Christ is not easily faked. Let your zeal be a barometer by which they measure their own affection for Christ.

Hypocrisy is an insidious danger in Children’s Ministries today. It also threatens each individual home. As parents, it is our job to honor the intention of Psalm 78:4-6:

We will not conceal [the Word of God] from their children, But tell to the generations to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done, that they should teach [the law] to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, That they may arise and tell them to their children.

The Tempter in the Child's Bedroom -- Television

Thinking about having a TV in your child's bedroom? Think again. Albert Mohler posted a review of a recent study @ http://www.albertmohler.com. In it he notes that The New York Times published a most interesting report on this issue just this week, claiming that the mere presence of a television set in a child's bedroom is a direct threat to the child's health. As the article documented:

Children with bedroom TVs score lower on school tests and are more likely to have sleep problems. Having a television in the bedroom is strongly associated with being overweight and a higher risk for smoking.

The numbers of children with a television in the bedroom are staggering. According to one study, 70% of third-graders had a television set in the room -- we are talking about eight-year-olds.

This point was driven home in an eloquent sermon preached by Cornelius Plantinga, President of Calvin Theological Seminary, back in 2006. Preaching from Revelation 2:17, Dr. Plantinga reminded his congregation that Christ promised the authentic believers at Pergamum a "white stone" with their new name written upon it -- a symbol of their conversion and transformation in Christ.

Are We Teaching Our Children to Lie?

By Albert Mohler @

Just a few years ago, author Ralph Keyes argued that America had evolved "beyond honesty." In The Post-Truth Era: Honesty and Deception in Contemporary Life, Keyes proposed that honesty is now "on the ropes" as a virtue.

In presenting his case, Keyes related anecdotes and illustrations from contemporary life -- most dealing with adults who have learned to lie and adults who have learned to expect lies. Now, Po Bronson of New York magazine has taken a look at the fate of honestly among America's children and teenagers. In "Learning to Lie," Bronson raises some issues many parent might otherwise ignore.

"In the last few years, a handful of intrepid scholars have decided it's time to try to understand why kids lie," Bronson reports. But, before looking too closely at why children lie, Bronson first established that kids do lie -- and lie a lot.

Bronson described a test looking at whether teenagers lie to their parents on a range of 36 issues. As he reports:

Out of the 36 topics, the average teen was lying to his parents about twelve of them. The teens lied about what they spent their allowances on, and whether they'd started dating, and what clothes they put on away from the house. They lied about what movie they went to, and whom they went with. They lied about alcohol and drug use, and they lied about whether they were hanging out with friends their parents disapproved of. They lied about how they spent their afternoons while their parents were at work. They lied about whether chaperones were in attendance at a party or whether they rode in cars driven by drunken teens.

In the end, 98 percent of the teens admitted lying to parents. At the same time, 98 percent of the same teens said that lying is wrong. Add to this the fact that many of these kids admitted lying a great deal.

It turns out that children begin to lie very early. As a skill, lying seems tied to intelligence. The smarter kids lie earlier and more skillfully. Really smart kids can lie at 2 or 3.

As Bronson explains:

Although we think of truthfulness as a young child's paramount virtue, it turns out that lying is the more advanced skill. A child who is going to lie must recognize the truth, intellectually conceive of an alternate reality, and be able to convincingly sell that new reality to someone else. Therefore, lying demands both advanced cognitive development and social skills that honesty simply doesn't require. "It's a developmental milestone," [Victoria] Talwar has concluded.

This puts parents in the position of being either damned or blessed, depending on how they choose to look at it. If your 4-year-old is a good liar, it's a strong sign she's got brains. And it's the smart, savvy kid who's most at risk of becoming a habitual liar.

Bronson pulls together some truly fascinating research, but he also asks a fascinating question -- do parents inadvertently teach children to lie?

It turns out that parents often do just that. Not only do parents often teach children to lie, parents reinforce some lying as necessary for politeness and good personal relationships.

Consider this section of Bronson's article:

The most disturbing reason children lie is that parents teach them to. According to Talwar, they learn it from us. "We don't explicitly tell them to lie, but they see us do it. They see us tell the telemarketer, 'I'm just a guest here.' They see us boast and lie to smooth social relationships."

Consider how we expect a child to act when he opens a gift he doesn't like. We instruct him to swallow all his honest reactions and put on a polite smile. Talwar runs an experiment where children play games to win a present, but when they finally receive the present, it's a lousy bar of soap. After giving the kids a moment to overcome the shock, a researcher asks them how they like it. About a quarter of preschoolers can lie that they like the gift--by elementary school, about half. Telling this lie makes them extremely uncomfortable, especially when pressed to offer a few reasons why they like the bar of soap. Kids who shouted with glee when they won the Peeking Game suddenly mumble quietly and fidget.

Meanwhile, the child's parent usually cheers when the child comes up with the white lie. "Often, the parents are proud that their kids are 'polite'--they don't see it as lying," Talwar remarks. She's regularly amazed at parents' seeming inability to recognize that white lies are still lies.

When adults are asked to keep diaries of their own lies, they admit to about one lie per every five social interactions, which works out to one per day, on average. The vast majority of these lies are white lies, lies to protect yourself or others, like telling the guy at work who brought in his wife's muffins that they taste great or saying, "Of course this is my natural hair color."

Encouraged to tell so many white lies and hearing so many others, children gradually get comfortable with being disingenuous. Insincerity becomes, literally, a daily occurrence. They learn that honesty only creates conflict, and dishonesty is an easy way to avoid conflict. And while they don't confuse white-lie situations with lying to cover their misdeeds, they bring this emotional groundwork from one circumstance to the other. It becomes easier, psychologically, to lie to a parent. So if the parent says, "Where did you get these Pokémon cards?! I told you, you're not allowed to waste your allowance on Pokémon cards!" this may feel to the child very much like a white-lie scenario--he can make his father feel better by telling him the cards were extras from a friend.

Now, many parents will recoil from this scenario -- not because it is so implausible, but because they know it is true. Honesty can (and often does) produce conflict. For children, it can bring punishment when bad behavior is admitted. For parents, it can mean the necessity of confronting the child about disobedience. Thus, parents and children conspire to lower the risk of confrontation by accepting something other than the truth.

Bronson asserts that this often gets worse as the children get older. Adolescent children lie a great deal to their parents, and many parents are so confrontation-averse that they do not demand the truth. On the other hand, other parents shift into a more permissive mode, demanding the truth but not punishing rule-breaking. As Bronson explains: "Parents imagine a trade-off between being informed and being strict. Better to hear the truth and be able to help than be kept in the dark."

Christian parents should consider this analysis with care. Do we, along with other parents, effectively teach our children to lie? Have we traded off permissiveness for getting teenagers to tell the truth? Would we rather not know, if knowing means putting children and teens into situations in which they might lie?

The Christian worldview does not honor truth as a matter of mere politeness, but as a moral necessity. We deserve the truth from each other, and we owe the truth to each other. As Christian parents, we should ask ourselves whether we are teaching our children to lie -- and whether we really expect our children and teens to tell us the truth.

Is honesty "on the ropes" at your house?

How to be a Refuge for Your Children

By John Piper @ www.desiringgod.org

If Daddy is afraid, where can a little child turn? Daddies are supposed to be safe. They are supposed to know what to do and how to solve problems and fix things and, most of all, protect the children from harm. But what happens if a child sees fear in Daddy's face? What if Daddy is as scared as the child, and doesn't know what to do? Then the child is utterly distraught and feels panic. He feels that the one strong and good and reliable place of safety is no longer safe.

But if Daddy is confident, then the children have a refuge. If Daddy is not panicking, but calm and steady, all the walls can come tumbling down, and all the waves can break, and all the snakes can hiss and the lions roar and the wind blow, and there will still be a safe place in Daddy's arms. Daddy is a refuge, as long as Daddy is confident.

That's why Proverbs 14:26 says that "his children will have a refuge," if Daddy has a "strong confidence." Daddy's confidence is the refuge of his children. Dads, the battle to be confident is not just about us, it is about the security of our children. It is about their sense of security and happiness. It's about whether they grow up fretful or firm in faith. Until children can know God in a deep personal way, we are the image and the embodiment of God in their lives. If we are confident and reliable and safe for them, they will be much more likely to cleave to God as their refuge when the storms break over them later.

So how shall we have "strong confidence"? After all, we, too, are little children, clay pots, weak and broken and battling anxieties and doubts. Is the solution to put on the best show we can and hide our true selves? That will lead to ulcers at best, and God-dishonoring teenager-repelling duplicity at worst. That is not the answer.

Proverbs 14:26 gives another answer: "In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence." This is very strange. It says that the solution to fear is fear. The solution to timidity is fear. The solution to uncertainty is fear. The solution to doubt is fear.

How can this be?

Part of the answer is that the "fear of the Lord" means fearing to dishonor the Lord. Which means fearing to distrust the Lord. Which means fearing to fear anything that the Lord has promised to help you overcome. In other words the fear of the Lord is the great fear destroyer.

If the Lord says, "Fear not, I am with you, be not dismayed, I will help you," (Isaiah 41:10), then it is a fearful thing to worry about the problem he says he will help you with. Fearing that problem when he says, "Fear not, I will help you, is a vote of no confidence against God's word, and that is a great dishonor to God. And the fear of the Lord trembles at such dishonoring God.

If the Lord says, "I will never fail you nor forsake you," so you can confidently say, "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid; what can man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:5-6) - if the Lord says that to you, then not to be confident in the Lord's promised presence and help is a kind of pride. It puts our reckoning of the trouble above God's. That is why we read the amazing words of the Lord in Isaiah 51:12, "I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you are afraid of man who dies And of the son of man who is made like grass?" Who are you to fear man, when God has promised to help you? So it is pride to fear man. And pride is the exact opposite of the fear of God.

So, yes, the Proverb is true and a great help to us. Fear God, dads. Fear God. Fear dishonoring him. Fear distrusting him. Fear putting your assessment of the problem above his. He says he can help. He is smarter. He is stronger. He is more generous. Trust him. Fear not to trust him.

Why? He works for those who wait for him (Isaiah 64:4). He will solve the problem. He will rescue the family. He will take care of the little ones. He will meet your needs. Fear not believing that. Then your children will have a refuge. They will have a Daddy who "has strong confidence" - not in himself, but in the promises of God, which he trembles not to trust.

12 Ways to Love Your Wayward Child

By Abraham Piper@ www.desiringgod.org

My son Abraham, who speaks from the wisdom of experience and Scripture, has written the article that follows. I read it with tears and laughter. It is so compelling that I asked him immediately if I could share it with the church and the wider Christian community. There is no greater joy than to see your children walking in the truth--and expressing it so well. The rest is Abraham's untouched. -John Piper

Many parents are brokenhearted and completely baffled by their unbelieving son or daughter. They have no clue why the child they raised well is making such awful, destructive decisions. I've never been one of these parents, but I have been one of these sons. Reflecting back on that experience, I offer these suggestions to help you reach out to your wayward child.

1. Point them to Christ.

Your rebellious child's real problem is not drugs or sex or cigarettes or pornography or laziness or crime or cussing or slovenliness or homosexuality or being in a punk rock band. The real problem is that they don't see Jesus clearly. The best thing you can do for them--and the only reason to do any of the following suggestions--is to show them Christ. It is not a simple or immediate process, but the sins in their life that distress you and destroy them will only begin to fade away when they see Jesus more like he actually is.

2. Pray.

Only God can save your son or daughter, so keep on asking that he will display himself to them in a way they can't resist worshiping him for.

3. Acknowledge that something is wrong.

If your daughter rejects Jesus, don't pretend everything is fine.

For every unbelieving child, the details will be different. Each one will require parents to reach out in unique ways. Never acceptable, however, is not reaching out at all. If your child is an unbeliever, don't ignore it. Holidays might be easier, but eternity won't be.

4. Don't expect them to be Christ-like.

If your son is not a Christian, he's not going to act like one.

You know that he has forsaken the faith, so don't expect him to live by the standards you raised him with. For example, you might be tempted to say, "I know you're struggling with believing in Jesus, but can't you at least admit that getting wasted every day is sin?"

If he's struggling to believe in Jesus, then there is very little significance in admitting that drunkenness is wrong. You want to protect him, yes. But his unbelief is the most dangerous problem--not partying. No matter how your child's unbelief exemplifies itself in his behavior, always be sure to focus more on the heart's sickness than its symptoms.

5. Welcome them home.

Because the deepest concern is not your child's actions, but his heart, don't create too many requirements for coming home. If he has any inkling to be with you, it is God giving you a chance to love him back to Jesus. Obviously there are some instances in which parents must give ultimatums: "Don't come to this house if you are..." But these will be rare. Don't lessen the likelihood of an opportunity to be with your child by too many rules.

If your daughter smells like weed or an ashtray, spray her jacket with Febreze and change the sheets when she leaves, but let her come home. If you find out she's pregnant, then buy her folic acid, take her to her twenty-week ultrasound, protect her from Planned Parenthood, and by all means let her come home. If your son is broke because he spent all the money you lent him on loose women and ritzy liquor, then forgive his debt as you've been forgiven, don't give him any more money, and let him come home. If he hasn't been around for a week and a half because he's been staying at his girlfriend's--or boyfriend's--apartment, plead with him not to go back, and let him come home.

6. Plead with them more than you rebuke them.

Be gentle in your disappointment.

What really concerns you is that your child is destroying herself, not that she's breaking rules. Treat her in a way that makes this clear. She probably knows--especially if she was raised as a Christian--that what she's doing is wrong. And she definitely knows you think it is. So she doesn't need this pointed out. She needs to see how you are going to react to her evil. Your gentle forbearance and sorrowful hope will show her that you really do trust Jesus.

Her conscience can condemn her by itself. Parents ought to stand kindly and firmly, always living in the hope that they want their child to return to.

7. Connect them to believers who have better access to them.

There are two kinds of access that you may not have to your child: geographical and relational. If your wayward son lives far away, try to find a solid believer in his area and ask him to contact your son. This may seem nosy or stupid or embarrassing to him, but it's worth it--especially if the believer you find can also relate to your son emotionally in a way you can't.

Relational distance will also be a side effect of your child leaving the faith, so your relationship will be tenuous and should be protected if at all possible. But hard rebuke is still necessary.

This is where another believer who has emotional access to your son may be very helpful. If there is a believer who your son trusts and perhaps even enjoys being around, then that believer has a platform to tell your son--in a way he may actually pay attention to--that he's being an idiot. This may sound harsh, but it's a news flash we all need from time to time, and people we trust are usually the only ones who can package a painful rebuke so that it is a gift to us.

A lot of rebellious kids would do well to hear that they're being fools--and it is rare that this can helpfully be pointed out by their parents--so try to keep other Christians in your kids lives.

8. Respect their friends.

Honor your wayward child in the same way you'd honor any other unbeliever. They may run with crowds you'd never consider talking to or even looking at, but they are your child's friends. Respect that--even if the relationship is founded on sin. They're bad for your son, yes. But he's bad for them, too. Nothing will be solved by making it perfectly evident that you don't like who he's hanging around with.

When your son shows up for a family birthday celebration with another girlfriend--one you've never seen before and probably won't see again--be hospitable. She's also someone's wayward child, and she needs Jesus, too.

9. Email them.

Praise God for technology that lets you stay in your kids' lives so easily!

When you read something in the Bible that encourages you and helps you love Jesus more, write it up in a couple lines and send it to your child. The best exhortation for them is positive examples of Christ's joy in your own life.

Don't stress out when you're composing these as if each one needs to be singularly powerful. Just whip them out one after another, and let the cumulative effect of your satisfaction in God gather up in your child's inbox. God's word is never proclaimed in vain.

10. Take them to lunch.

If possible, don't let your only interaction with your child be electronic. Get together with him face to face if you can. You may think this is stressful and uncomfortable, but trust me that it's far worse to be in the child's shoes--he is experiencing all the same discomfort, but compounded by guilt. So if he is willing to get together with you for lunch, praise God, and use the opportunity.

It will feel almost hypocritical to talk about his daily life, since what you really care about is his eternal life, but try to anyway. He needs to know you care about all of him. Then, before lunch is over, pray that the Lord will give you the gumption to ask about his soul. You don't know how he'll respond. Will he roll his eyes like you're an idiot? Will he get mad and leave? Or has God been working in him since you talked last? You don't know until you risk asking.

(Here's a note to parents of younger children: Set up regular times to go out to eat with your kids. Not only will this be valuable for its own sake, but also, if they ever enter a season of rebellion, the tradition of meeting with them will already be in place and it won't feel weird to ask them out to lunch. If a son has been eating out on Saturdays with his dad since he was a tot, it will be much harder for him later in life to say no to his father's invitation--even as a surly nineteen-year-old.)

11. Take an interest in their pursuits.

Odds are that if your daughter is purposefully rejecting Christ, then the way she spends her time will probably disappoint you. Nevertheless, find the value in her interests, if possible, and encourage her. You went to her school plays and soccer games when she was ten; what can you do now that she's twenty to show that you still really care about her interests?

Jesus spent time with tax collectors and prostitutes, and he wasn't even related to them. Imitate Christ by being the kind of parent who will put some earplugs in your pocket and head downtown to that dank little nightclub where your daughter's CD release show is. Encourage her and never stop praying that she will begin to use her gifts for Jesus' glory instead her own.

12. Point them to Christ.

This can't be over-stressed. It is the whole point. No strategy for reaching your son or daughter will have any lasting effect if the underlying goal isn't to help them know Jesus.

Jesus.

It's not so that they will be good kids again; it's not so that they'll get their hair cut and start taking showers; it's not so that they'll like classical music instead of deathcore; it's not so that you can stop being embarrassed at your weekly Bible study; it's not so that they'll vote conservative again by the next election; it's not even so that you can sleep at night, knowing they're not going to hell.

The only ultimate reason to pray for them, welcome them, plead with them, email them, eat with them, or take an interest in their interests is so that their eyes will be opened to Christ.

And not only is he the only point--he's the only hope. When they see the wonder of Jesus, satisfaction will be redefined. He will replace the pathetic vanity of the money, or the praise of man, or the high, or the orgasm that they are staking their eternities on right now. Only his grace can draw them from their perilous pursuits and bind them safely to himself--captive, but satisfied.

He will do this for many. Be faithful and don't give up.

"Freak Dancing" -- When Parents Advocate Misbehavior

By Albert Mohler @ http://www.albertmohler.com

The Wall Street Journal is out with one of the those eye-opening stories that defies common moral sense. It seems that Jason Ceyanes, the 35-year-old superintendent of schools in Argyle, Texas, decided to crack down on sexually-suggestive dancing at the local high school. But, when the superintendent banned "freak dancing," he got into trouble with some of Argyle's parents.

Here is how The Wall Street Journal introduced its account of the controversy:

A new resolve by school officials in this booming Dallas suburb to crack down on sexually suggestive dancing -- and skimpy clothing -- has sparked a rancorous debate over what boundaries should be set for teenagers' self-expression. Argyle joins a long list of other schools around the country that have banned the hip-hop inspired dancing known as "grinding" or "freak dancing."

But in Argyle, a once-sleepy farming community strained by explosive growth from an influx of well-to-do suburbanites, the controversy has gotten vicious. Some parents blame the newly installed school superintendent, Jason Ceyanes, 35, for ruining their children's October homecoming dance by enforcing a strict dress code and making provocative dancing off-limits. Disgusted, a lot of kids left, and the dance ended early.

Mr. Ceyanes says he fears current cleavage-baring dress styles combined with sexually charged dancing could lead to an unsafe environment for students.

"This is not just shaking your booty," he said. "This is pelvis-to-pelvis physical contact in the private areas...and then moving around."

"Freak dancing" is well known throughout the nation, and it involves what can only be described as "sexually charged" physical contact and movement. But many of the kids in Argyle were "disgusted" that freak dancing was banned at the homecoming dance, so they left. That might be fairly easy to understand. After all, adolescents are expected to exhibit adolescent patterns of misbehavior. What makes this story so interesting is that so many parents responded by joining their adolescents in immature response. In fact, their protest of the superintendent's policy is shocking.

As the paper explained, "Many parents support Mr. Ceyanes's actions. But another vocal faction has been harshly critical of the new superintendent, creating a deep rift in the community. These parents defend the children of Argyle as 'good kids,' and say they should be trusted to dance and dress the way they want."

Here is one of the moral hallmarks of our confused age. Parents defy authority and propriety and justify the misbehavior of their own children while calling them "good kids." In this case, they argue that these "good kids" should be allowed "to dance and dress the way they want" -- even if that means sexually suggestive dress and sexually charged dancing.

Mr. Ceyanes held a public meeting for parents and played a video of freak dancing. "I cannot imagine that there is a father in this room who could watch this video and be all right with a young man dancing with his daughter in that fashion," he told the parents.

This is further evidence of a trend long in coming. Fashion styles for adult women now mimic those of adolescent girls. Why? So many moms want to act like teenagers and dress as provocatively as their offspring. Far too many parents want to act like their teenagers' friends and peers, not like parents. Parents, after all, are expected to act like adults, and this is a society that depreciates adulthood and valorizes adolescence.

When a story like this makes the front page of The Wall Street Journal, something significant has shifted on the moral landscape. When parents demand that their "good kids" be allowed to freak dance at school events, the real story shifts from the kids to the parents.

___________________

The Wall Street Journal also features this video coverage of the story [go here]. We discussed this issue on Tuesday's edition of The Albert Mohler Program [listen here].

Reflections on Parenting

From http://acts18910.blogspot.com

Several years ago I shared ten lessons I had learned about being a father with the church family that I was pastoring at the time:

1. Have clear biblical convictions. This doesn't mean you smother your children with rules and regulations. But don't be a passive parent. You can't shove your faith on your children, but you can instruct them and encourage them and point them to the truth that is in Christ.

2. Be consistent and firm in your discipline. I shudder when parents "threaten" punishment over and over again, yet don't do anything. The expression "or else..." should be banished from a parent's vocabulary. Make known the consequences for wrong behavior and then follow through with it gently and compassionately.

3. Love your wife. I heard it said early in my walk with God that loving my wife was the most important thing I could do for my children. So I've tried to practice it - first, because it's a great joy to love her, and second, because it's good for my children.

4. Have supper together as a family. Or breakfast. Or lunch. The actual mealtime is not as important as the time for everyone to be together. It's also a good opportunity to read the Bible together, or have family "devotions."

5. Be affectionate. Not all men are good at hugs and kisses and "I love you's." It's one thing I said I wanted to do with my kids even before they were born. It's also something that I could have practiced more.

6. Try to say "yes" as much as possible. There have been many times when my wife and I have had to say "no" to our children. But we also let them know that we were going to trust them with more and more responsibility as they grew older and gained our trust. So we had to learn to say "yes" to them, to give them the opportunity to learn responsibility.

7. Laugh together. Some of my fondest memories are of gut-busting, milk-out-your-nose, uncontrollable laughter at the dinner table. The times that happened were too few and far between, but were they ever fun.

8. Make it a priority to gather with the church. The Bible calls Sunday "the Lord's Day." We made it a point for our family to meet with God's family to praise him on his day.

9. Teach and model the ways of God from the very beginning. I suspect that much of the deep parental molding is done by the time a child gets to the early teen years, although it's better to start late than not at all. The first nine chapters of Proverbs have great wisdom to teach children.

10. Commit your child to God. "Unless the Lord builds the house its builders labor in vain" (Psalm 127:1). This is not only a warning but also an encouragement. It is good to know that we are not alone in the task of parenting, but that God himself is the builder of our home. Ultimately my most important role as a father is to pray for my children, a role that goes on even after they "leave the nest."

Raising Pharisees

By Kurt Gebhards @ http://www.sfpulpit.com

* Kurt serves as the Pastor of Children’s Ministries at Grace Church.

One dynamic of Children’s Ministries at Grace Community Church is that most of the children we minister to come from Christian families. Many of them are blessed with the sound and systematic teaching from God’s Word both at home and in the church, and even sometimes in school. This is something to be grateful for, but it also presents a unique challenge to those of us in Children’s Ministries. While the world breeds rebels, the church can unwittingly breed hypocrites.

It is the sad testimony of church history that the works and expressions of sacrificial love and devotion of one generation of Christians can quickly turn into legalistic rules and regulations for the next. The convictions of the first generation become the caprice of the second. It is sad and shameful how quickly the Object of wonder and worship of a generation can become the boredom and betrayal of the next. Hypocrisy is an imminent and evident threat to the church of Jesus Christ.

Churched children are seldom given to outright defiance of authority; they are much more susceptible to the poison of Pharisaism. Hypocrisy in the heart is much more difficult to spot than disobedient behavior. The Bible gives us some definite character traits of the pretentious pietist, and here is what they may look like in a child:

His outward behavior and adherence to rules are driven by a desire to please men, not by a love for God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength (Mk. 12:30).

Doing good works and having them observed by adults is more important than the action itself (Mt. 6:5).

The child is openly obedient and responsive – asking to pray before bedtime with you – while maintaining a quietly deceitful and rebellious attitude (Gal. 6:7).

He scrupulously observes the letter of the law – like religiously bringing his Bible to church – but neglects the weightier spirit of the law – like sharing his favorite toys with his siblings (Mt. 23:23).

He craves the verbal praises and tangible rewards of his parents and teachers, but cares little for the approbation of God Himself (Jn. 12:43)

Left unchecked by the grace and Word of God, by the time such a child reaches his teenage years, hypocrisy can have entrenched itself.

This teen prefers well-defined, black and white rules, for they give him a sense of certainty that God must surely reward those achievements (Lk. 18:12).

He adds a layer of rules to the Word of God (like not watching any movies, not listening to popular music, et cetera), giving the impression that he holds to a higher standard than Holy Scripture (Mt. 23:4).

He tends to propose personal preferences as, or elevate them above, divine imperatives (Mt. 15:2-3).

He pursues perfectionism (Phil. 3:6), not excellence (Phil. 3:12-14).

He separates himself from others he considers of lesser cultural morality – people whose table manners, courtesy of speech, and refinement of mannerisms do not match middle-class norms (Lk. 15:1-2).

He is judgmental – he excels at fault-finding, he loves to pick verbal fights – and the standard by which he condemns others is not primarily biblical, but personal, preferential, or traditional (Mt. 7:5). He fights against many people, against many issues, but he does not know who he is fighting for.

Hypocrisy is the pretense of virtue or piousness that is contrary to one’s real character. And make no mistake, hypocrisy spreads like an unseen cancer. Everything appears alive and spiritually vital, then suddenly, the person is dull –and soon dead. The Lord specifically warned His disciples, “Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.” (Lk. 12:1) Since hypocrisy is hidden deep within the recesses of the heart, it goes on unchecked and will hollow out its victim from the inside.

One of the dangers is that these outwardly compliant children receive much approval from parents and teachers. So they are encouraged to continue the duplicity unless anti-hypocritical measures are employed. We can certainly teach and militate against hypocrisy in the following ways:

Instead of just dealing with external behavior issues, we should seize every opportunity to help children understand that it is their hearts that generate their actions (Mt. 15:19). In His judgment of man, God looks at the heart (1 Sam.16:7). We should never equate occasions of good behavior (professions of love for Jesus, acts of compliance, et cetera) with saving faith in Jesus. We need to go beyond fixing wrong behavior to helping the child understand that his evil heart can only be changed by the Lord in regeneration.

Emphasize the affections of NT religion. Make sure that we are not just aiming at a young person’s understanding, but that we reach for the heart and its affections.

Do not encourage children to exhibit their talents and gifts to impress others. They should be reminded that all that they are and have are gifts of grace from God (1 Cor. 4:7), and they should not regard themselves more highly than they ought (Rom. 12:3).

Teach the truth about integrity – which comes from the word for “integer” or “whole.” For a child with integrity, whichever way you turn them, they look they same. Who they are at church, is who they are in school, is who they are at home. This is what our kids should be.

Do not be afraid to share our spiritual and moral failures with children in instances where they can identify with our shortcomings. This allows us to be authentic with them. It also allows us to demonstrate our response to God when we have done wrong, and our reliance on Him to continue molding our hearts.

Be authentic in your love for Christ. Genuine desire for Christ is not easily faked. Let your zeal be a barometer by which they measure their own affection for Christ.

Hypocrisy is an insidious danger in Children’s Ministries today. It also threatens each individual home. As parents, it is our job to honor the intention of Psalm 78:4-6:

We will not conceal [the Word of God] from their children, But tell to the generations to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done, that they should teach [the law] to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, That they may arise and tell them to their children.

Without Fathers, Without Rules, Without Consequences, Without Hope

By Albert Mohler @ http://www.albertmohler.com

Modern societies seem absolutely determined to undermine their own foundations. This is especially true of intellectual elites who see the traditional structures of society as repressive rather than essential. Thus, overthrowing these structures becomes an exercise in self-defined liberation. Sadly, what inevitably results is disaster.

Steven Malanga of The Manhattan Institute and City Journal makes this point in a recent essay, "City Without Fathers," that looks at the collapse of order within Newark, New Jersey. Malanga points to one central factor behind the problems of urban youth in Newark and a crime wave that threatens civic order -- the absence of fathers from urban households.

As Malanga explains:

The horrific, execution-style killing of three teens in Newark last weekend has sparked widespread outrage and promises of reform from politicians, religious leaders, and community activists, who are pledging a renewed campaign against the violence that plagues New Jersey's largest city. But much of the reaction, though well-intentioned, misses the point. Behind Newark's persistent violence and deep social dysfunction is a profound cultural shift that has left many of the city's children growing up outside the two-parent family--and in particular, growing up without fathers. Decades of research tell us that such children are far likelier to fail in school and work and to fall into violence than those raised in two-parent families. In Newark, we are seeing what happens to a community when the traditional family comes close to disappearing.

This is a frightening prospect, but the trend of disappearing fathers has been taking shape and gaining momentum for several decades now. When the bearing of children is divorced from the institution of marriage, disaster is immediately on the horizon. The only question is when the disastrous consequences will appear. In Newark, these consequences are there for all to see.

As Malanga explains:

According to 2005 figures from the U.S. Census Bureau, only 32 percent of Newark children are being raised by their parents in a two-adult household. The rest are distributed among families led by grandparents, foster parents, and single parents--mostly mothers. An astonishing 60 percent of the city's kids are growing up without fathers. It isn't that traditional families are breaking up; they aren't even getting started. The city has one of the highest out-of-wedlock birthrates in the country, with about 65 percent of its children born to unmarried women. And 70 percent of those births are to women who are already poor, meaning that their kids are born directly into poverty.

The statistics are both instructive and daunting. A child born to a single-parent family in Newark has more than a one in five chance of living in poverty. A child in a two-parent home has just a one in twelve chance.

Malanga also reminds us all that 70 percent of long-term prisoners in the U.S. penal system grew up without fathers.

Here he gets to the hardest questions:

The starkness of these statistics makes it astonishing that our politicians and policy makers ignore the subject of single parenthood, as if it were outside the realm of civic discourse. And our religious leaders, who once preached against such behavior, now also largely avoid the issue, even as they call for prayer vigils and organize stop-the-violence campaigns in Newark. Often, in this void, the only information that our teens and young adults get on the subject of marriage, children, and family life comes through media reports about the lifestyles of our celebrity entertainers and athletes, who have increasingly shunned matrimony and traditional families. Once, such news might have been considered scandalous; today, it is reported matter-of-factly, as if these pop icons' lives were the norm.

The most important among these observations is the fact that politicians and policy makers ignore the issue of single parenthood. The data are public and irrefutable. As long ago as the 1970s the late Daniel Patrick Moynihan (later a Democratic member of the U.S. Senate) famously pointed to this trend and warned of its consequences. As Moynihan explained, there is no way to deal with the poverty issue without dealing with family structure. His report was submerged in denials and ideological renunciations, but history has proved Moynihan to be right.

We should note that Malanga also indicts religious leaders, noting that even as they once preached against these behaviors (sex and childbearing outside of marriage), they now avoid the issue. This is a clear demonstration of failure in the pulpit. Calling for demonstrations makes no sense when the pulpit fails to demonstrate courage. The most direct focus of Malanga's concern here may me pastors of African-American churches in Newark, but this failure is by no means limited to that context or those pastors. Preachers in far too many elite and middle class pulpits practice the same evasions.

The crisis in Newark has been underlined by savage crimes. The same is true in Britain, where sensational crimes committed by teenagers have shocked the nation. In an editorial column published in today's edition of The Telegraph [London], Janet Daley blames the breakdown of social order there on a breakdown of moral order.

In her words:

A fascinating social study was done by John and Elizabeth Newson in the 1960s and 1970s of childhood experience in Nottingham, which illustrated this contrast in a way that is particularly relevant to our problems today, even if the Newsons' descriptions of life in poor communities seem heartbreakingly quaint by today's standards.

One of their key insights was into the consequences of working-class street play, which was dominated more by the need to conform to the group than by the direct instruction of adults.

The more heavily supervised middle-class child playing in his own home or garden with friends chosen by his parents was not just being instructed explicitly in the rules of civilised behaviour: he was also imbibing a belief in the power of authority figures to administer abstract justice.

When the watchful middle-class parent intervenes to insist that toys must be shared, that younger siblings must not be bullied, that visiting friends must be given a turn, he is effectively instructing his child in how a fair society operates and how those in charge may be trusted to administer it. He is, quite unconsciously, rearing a law-abiding citizen with respect for authority figures.

In other words, parents matter and so does the support system throughout the society that reinforces what parents teach. When parents fail and the society undermines their authority, the pathology soon becomes all too visible.

Daley continues:

What has happened to working-class parents, and to the communities they inhabit, is that they have had the concept of "respectability" itself - the notions of discipline, adult authority, and even the most basic principles of "right" and "wrong" - pulled out from under them.

When the great progressive movement for personal liberation took hold of our public institutions - when the concept of authority itself was trashed by the education system, the media and the mainstream culture, and the idea of individual guilt was replaced by the assumption that all crime and bad behaviour had a socially determined "cause" - it was not the educated, affluent classes who were cut adrift.

In other words, these elites hurt poor families in the name of helping them. They denied individual responsibility and blamed great social forces for crime and wrongdoing. They turned the educational system into a feel-good system of therapy without the structures of discipline children desperately need.

Finally:

There was a time when parents who were not all that secure in their own ability to supervise the young - who themselves may not have been particularly rigorous in their moral standards, and perhaps did not have the psychological resources to maintain consistent order - could rely on the support of public institutions.

They could expect the schools to encourage outer discipline and the inner self-discipline of structured learning. They could expect the State to attempt to deter single girls from having babies on their own. They could expect the police and the courts to side unfailingly with the law-abiding rather than offer excuses for the criminal.

They could, in other words, count on the idea that all of the forces of adult life were joined together to uphold the structure of civilised life: that we all had pretty much the same conception of right and wrong, and the will to enforce it.

The British elites persuaded themselves that their great crime was to impose bourgeois values on everyone. In fact, it is the undermining of those values that is destroying the lives of the poor.

Malanga and Daley offer keen insights and urgent warnings. Is anyone listening? There is little reason to believe that policymakers will all the sudden see what they have been denying for decades.

What about the pastors? Why do so many preachers fail to confront these issues and fail to preach the truth about God's plan and expectation for the family, marriage, and the raising of children? Why so little confrontation on issues of divorce and both sex and childbearing outside of marriage? Why the silence?

Bible Material for Children

From http://www.uu.edu

1. Biblical Basis- The Bible commands parents to teach the Bible to their children diligently.

2 Timothy 3:15- “how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”

Ephesians 6:4- And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

Psalm 78- Verses 1-3 refer to instruction ‘of old’ which ‘our fathers have told us,’ and v.4 then states: ‘We will not conceal them from their children, but tell to the generations to come the praises of the LORD, and His strength and His wondrous works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should teach them to their children, that the generation to come might know, even the children yet to be born, that they may arise and tell them to their children, that they should put their confidence in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments”

Deuteronomy 6:4-9, 20-25- "Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart; and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. And you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates ….

When your son asks you in time to come, saying, 'What [do] the testimonies and the statutes and the judgments [mean] which the Lord our God commanded you?' then you shall say to your son, 'We were slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt; and the Lord brought us from Egypt with a mighty hand. 'Moreover, the Lord showed great and distressing signs and wonders before our eyes against Egypt, Pharaoh and all his household; and He brought us out from there in order to bring us in, to give us the land which He had sworn to our fathers.' "So the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God for our good always and for our survival, as [it is] today. "And it will be righteousness for us if we are careful to observe all this commandment before the Lord our God, just as He commanded us.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10- God spoke to the people at Sinai so that ‘they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.’

Genesis 18:19- ‘For I have chosen him so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD will bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.’

Sir Edmund Burke wisely observed, "Tell me what are the prevailing sentiments that occupy the minds of your young people and I will tell you what is to be the character of the next generation."

“It is a situation of tremendous responsibility to be a parent … With every babe that God entrusts to your care, he in effect sends the solemn injunction- ‘Take this child, and bring it up for me;’ and at the final audit, will inquire in what manner you have obeyed the command. It will not then be sufficient to plead the strength of your affection, nor the ceaseless efforts to which it gave rise; for if these efforts were not directed at the right end … you will receive the rebuke of Him that sitteth upon the throne.” (John Angell James, The Christian Father’s Present to His Children)

2. The Importance and Value of Teaching or Children

- The Rising Problem of Biblical Illiteracy in the church

- Role of parents more than the Church

- Reaching both parents and children

3. The Need for Substance

Far too often our Bible material for children is embarrassingly shallow. So much that passes as bible stories for children these days is a sham. The great stories of scripture are turned into cute and cuddly little tales. The result of this is that many people think of Bible stories as something for children; but, I submit to you that if you read them they most certainly were not written primarily with children in mind. There are enough cute cuddly little stories around without domesticating Scripture to turn it into one. Our children need to encounter the Scripture not emasculated stories. Of course, they need not have every gory detail, but renditions of Noah and the ark which are only about nice animals and fun on a boat but fail to deal with the wrath of God against sin are perversions of the story. Renditions of David and Goliath whose main point is that little people can do things too, simply miss the point. If we want to raise children who have the same deep reverence for God and passion for His glory which compelled David to take on the giant, then we must give them the pure milk of the Word.

We are duped by those who say that children cannot handle the deep truths or the stark realities (e.g. hell). However, the church through the ages has not thought this way. We do not prepare our children for life by sugarcoating reality. There is of course something to thinking about age appropriateness, but currently many seem to think the only thing appropriate to say to children until they are 12 is God loves you, you are great, etc. How will children who hear only this ever know their desperate need for the gospel?

Examples:

- Nathan on the Trinity while in Scotland

- Nathan- “The power of God!”

- Asking the boys, “Is Abigail sinful?”

- Gospel for Children on Hell

- Isaac Watts songs

- David beheading Goliath- for my boys, these are girly stories

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4. Some Recommended Resources

Family Worship

The Family Worship Book, Terry Johnson (Christian Focus)

Thoughts on Family Worship, J. W. Alexander

The Christian Father’s Present to His Children, John Angell James

Family Worship in the Bible and Your Home, Donald Whitney

Rediscovering the Lost Treasure of Family Worship, Jerry Marcellino

Catechism

Big Truths for Little Kids, by Susan and Richie Hunt (Crossway)

Truth & Grace Books, ed. Tom Ascol

Small Talks on Big Questions, Selah Helms and Susan Thompson

The Gospel for Children, John Leuzarder (Shepherd Press)

Study Bible

ESV Children’s Bible

Bible Stories

Ø The Learn About God series (Christian Focus), 3-6 yrs old - God is kind, has power, never changes, knows everything, is everywhere, is faithful. These are simple little chunky board books covering some of the attributes of God. Each page repeats the title, gives a specific application and a related verse.

Ø God’s Little Guidebooks, by Hazel Scrimshire (Christian Focus), 3-6 yrs old - This series of little booklets covers the 10 Commandments. Sibling duo Sam and Katy present each commandment and explore how it can be applied to young lives.

Ø Bible Time & Bible Wise, by Carine Mackenzie (Christian Focus), 3yrs & up – These are some of the best bible storybooks we have seen. The stories are faithfully retold pausing at key points to make appropriate applications. For example one story tells that Gideon was afraid when he saw the angel and here the author mentions the propriety of the fear of God. Several of the OT stories are particularly good in how they make application to the new covenant. (note other Bible stories by Mackenzie)

Ø Hear Me Read series, by Mary Manz Simon (Concordia Publishing House) 3-6 yrs old - There is a level 1 and a level 2 in this series and we have used level 1. These colorful books use a minimal number of words (about 12-20) to tell basic bible stories. They help children learn to recognize certain words and are easy for them to learn to read on their own.

Ø My First Study Bible, by Paul Loth (Thomas Nelson), 3-6 yrs old- This is actually a collection of bible stories going through the entire bible. It has little asides for children a bit older to fill in some more details. The stories are faithfully told using sizeable quotations directly from Scripture. This is a refreshing contrast to other books which add so much extra (non-biblical) detail that distracts from the actual story. Also this book does not shy away from the issues of God's wrath against sin and even includes some lesser-known stories. For the wisdom literature, many of the prophets and the New Testament letters where it would be difficult to actually present a story, a page is given with the prophet or author giving a summary of the book. While one might wish they had given more on these books, at least with this format they have covered every book of Scripture. One of the great things about this book is it allows one to read straight through the bible with your children. Of course not everything has been covered but something from each book has been covered- which is more than many adults have ever done. As we approached the end of the book on our first time through I began building up the fact that we were close to having read through the entire bible and our boys got really excited. Even today they speak with excitement about having read through 'the whole bible story.' Of course a side benefit is that the parent can begin to see connections across the whole of scripture in ways they have not before!

Ø The Big Picture Story Bible, David Helm (Crossway), 3 yrs & up- Perhaps the best overall Bible story book I have seen. Focuses especially on showing how the whole bible fits together, how Jesus fulfills the OT, etc.

Ø The Picture Bible, Iva Hoth (Chariot Victor)

Ø Discovering Jesus in Genesis & Discovering Jesus in Exodus, Susan & Richie Hunt

Ø I Love My Bible, Debby Anderson (Crossway), 3-5 yrs- great little book on why you should love the Bible.

Ø Herein Is Love Commentary Series, Nancy Ganz (Shepherd Press)

Christmas/Advent

Christ in Christmas: A Family Advent Celebration (NavPress)

The Wonders of Christmas, Melody Carlson (Crossway)

The Advent Book, Jack and Kathy Stockman (Crossway)

Other

Ø Dangerous Journey- a nice retelling of Pilgrim’s Progress with good illustrations

Ø The Evergreen Wood, Alan & Linda Parry- another good adaptation of Pilgrim’s Progress this time with animals as the characters. Good for younger children.

The “Age of Accountability”

By John MacArthur @ http://www.sfpulpit.com

The following article is adapted from John MacArthur’s response during a Q&A session at Grace Church. Much of what John says here has been expanded in his book, Safe in the Arms of God.

What is the Scriptural basis for an “age of accountability” regarding a child’s salvation?

I think the best way to answer that is to say this: There is no “age of accountability” identified in Scripture, as such. There is nothing in the Bible that says, “Here is the age and from here on you are responsible!” I think the reason for that is because children mature at different paces. That would be true from culture to culture, and from age to age in history.

So the Lord in His wisdom didn’t identify a specific moment. God knows when each soul is accountable. God knows when real rejection has taken place; when the love of sin exists in the heart. When enmity with God is conscious and willful. God alone knows when that occurs.

The Jews had identified about the age of twelve, and that was when Jesus was taken by His parents to Jerusalem for the Passover and the Feast, and there He was in the temple questioning the doctors. You have a good illustration there, and Jesus was asking profound questions at that point. This then seems to be the age when those kinds of questions begin to be personal in the heart of a child.

So I have always felt that somewhere around age twelve, the transition from childhood to adulthood takes place. It’s probably not totally disassociated from puberty, where there is a consciousness of one’s own impulses, feelings, drives, desires, and therefore sinful attitudes and passions, and whatever else starts to emerge.

With this in mind, I believe that it is absolutely essential, all along the way with children, that every time they desire to make a commitment to Jesus Christ, at whatever age, you (as someone giving spiritual oversight to them) encourage them to do that. Because you don’t know, we can’t know, when their desire is indicative of genuine saving faith. When a young child says, “I want to invite Christ into my life,” then you need to encourage them to do that. Every one of those, I see as a step towards God. At what point that becomes saving faith — only God knows for certain.

But, I also believe, that up until that point of real saving faith, God in His mercy, would save that child, should that child die. I have been doing some study on that very issue, because when I was at a conference recently, and that question was asked of a panel of very astute theologians — no one gave an adequate answer. And I thought, “How can we have theologians who don’t know the answer to that question? What about the children before the age of accountability, when they die, do they go to heaven?” I think the answer is “yes,” and I think it is a strong “YES,” based upon the confidence of David who said, when his little baby died: “He cannot come to me, but I shall go to him.” And David knew where he was going; David knew he was going to heaven — he knew that. There wasn’t any question in his mind about that.

So when he said, “I shall go to him,” in those words was the anticipation and the joyful hope of reunion. Now, some people have said, “Well, all he meant was, ‘I am going to be buried next to him.’” There wouldn’t be any reason to say, “He can’t come to me, but, oh I’m so glad I am going to be buried next to him!” There would be no joy in that; that wouldn’t satisfy anything. So I think at that point, he was expressing the confidence that he was going to heaven; he knew that was where he would find his son, who had died before the age of accountability.

Another interesting thing that occurs numerous times in the Old Testament, is that children (including those who die) are referred to as “innocent.” The Hebrew word that is used for “innocent” is used numerous times in the Old Testament to refer to “not being guilty” — literally, “being taken to court and found ‘not guilty.’” In fact, the OT refers to the babies that were passed through the fire to Moloch [false god] as the “innocents,” so I believe that God, prior to the “age of accountability” treats them as “innocent.” It doesn’t mean that they are not fallen; it doesn’t mean that they are not sinful — it does mean that God mercifully treats them as “innocent” in spite of that, and He has to exercise grace to do that, just as He exercises grace to save those who believe.

In summary, the “age of accountability” is not clearly identified in Scripture. I think it’s up to parents; every time a child wants to respond and open the heart to Christ — you need to encourage that, all the way along, until they come to that point where it is genuine, and the Lord knows that even if you don’t.

25 Ways to Help Kids Love to Read

By: Abraham @ http://www.desiringgod.org

Noel Piper tells the story of one of her sons really enjoying the books The Cross and the Switchblade and Run, Baby, Run. This son did not generally like reading, so it was especially exciting that he had gotten into these stories. When he finished both books, he went to the library and asked if the librarian could direct him to more stories that he might enjoy. She asked him what he liked and he replied, “Christian books about gang warfare.”

Encouraging your children in their own peculiar interests and making sure they know the neighborhood librarian are two ways to help them enjoy reading. Kathy Zahler compiles a list of other strategies in her book 50 Simple Things You Can Do to Raise a Child Who Loves to Read.

Here's a list of 25 ways to help your child love to read adapted from Zahler's 50.

1. Teach your child to read.
2. Let your child see you read.
   
3. Read aloud.
   
4. Encourage your kids to read aloud to you and to each other.
   
5. Ask your children to retell for you the stories they've read.
   
6. Have pre-readers “tell the story” from pictures.
   
7. Help your children evaluate stories.
   
8. Connect stories to children's lives.
   
9. Encourage identification with characters.
   
10. Make connections between books.
    
11. Share with your family from your own reading.
    
12. Recommend beloved books.
    
13. Own books your child will want to read.
    
14. Go to the library regularly.
    
15. Take books with you when you travel.
    
16. Suggest practical reasons for reading.
    
17. Send kids to books for answers to their questions.
    
18. Help your children find books that encourage them in their interests.
    
19. Provide a home environment conducive to reading.
    
20. Use TV wisely if you must use it at all.
    
21. Increase your child's real-life experiences.
    
22. Work with your child's teacher.
    
23. Expect great things for and from your kids.
    
24. Recognize differences among your children.
    
25. Take delight in words and let that delight show.

And, above all, let's take delight in the Word and let that delight show.

"The New Family Trump Card" -- Family Time vs. Church Time

By Albert Mohler @ http://albertmohler.com

Is "family time" encroaching on "church time?" Leadership, a publication in the Christianity Today family of magazines, surveyed 490 pastors last year, asking them about church life and family. A major theme -- parents are taking their kids to soccer games rather than to church.

The soccer games are only an illustration, of course, but team sports loom larger and larger in the lives of many kids and families, often leaving little time for anything else.

From the Leadership report:

The phenomenon of overprogrammed kids in the last decade or so is well documented--to the point of satire. (A recent sitcom showed an alien begging off an invasion of Earth because his kid had "a thing.") What isn't so well documented is the effect this legion of extracurricular activities has on church life.

The pastors we surveyed report the overall busyness of families is keeping families away from church. Asked whether people are spending more discretionary time on family activities or church commitments, 76 percent said the scale tipped toward family activities. This contrasts with the perception of 62 percent of respondents that a generation ago, free time was more likely spent on church commitments. The balance has shifted.

More:

Carol Welker, children's ministry pastor at First Presbyterian Church in Orlando, Florida, says the impact has been felt especially in weekday programs.

"We stopped doing Wednesday night programs a couple of years ago after they just fell apart," she said. "We did a survey to find out why families stopped coming, and several said, 'That's the one and only night we have together as a family.'"

The rest of the week, often including Sunday morning, is booked with music lessons and sports events. We even hear of pastors who must choose between preaching the Sunday morning sermon and attending Junior's Little League playoff game. Lay people are more regularly opting for non-church activities.

In our survey 83 percent of pastors said they are aware of situations where people routinely choose family events over church commitments. The list of reasons people give for missing church events: kids' activities and weekend trips are cited as most common reasons told to pastors (9 in 10 hear this frequently); grown-up sports such as fishing, football, and NASCAR are next, followed by extended family gatherings (7 in 10 hear these frequently), and a child's illness (almost 6 in 10 hear this reason on a regular basis).

Are these valid reasons or just excuses? "Mostly excuses" said 22 percent of pastors. "Mostly valid" said 13 percent. "Some of both" said 65 percent.

Asked if family time trumping church time is the bigger problem, 61 percent of pastors said yes; only 3 percent said church time was encroaching on family life for their church members. About a third (36%) thought most church members have a good balance.

This is a fascinating look into family life in America, even among Christian families. Let's be honest here -- these families, for the most part, are not spending these additional hours of the week in joint spiritual activities and disciplines. It is not as though "family time" was a time of biblical instruction and spiritual edification. No . . . increasingly it's Little League and NASCAR.

Here is a part of the article many readers might miss:

Welker says the church isn't helping by segregating families once they arrive on campus. "Shouldn't we as a church try to bring families together?" Welker asks. "Instead what we do is bring them to church and then put mom and dad in this room, the high school kids in that room, and the elementary kids down the hall. It's no wonder families are spending more time doing family things than they are spending at church."

Holly Allen agrees. She is an intergenerational studies specialist at John Brown University. Despite recent interest in intergenerational church ministries, the trend of the past two or three decades has been toward age-graded ministries and the further stratification of generations. "In the past, spending family time and going to church were the same thing," Allen said. "Now, family time and church time are not compatible ideas, because families are rarely together when they are at church."

This is a very important insight. When "church time" is seen as a competitor to "family time," something is wrong at church. When family members hardly see each other at church activities, the congregation needs to take a quick inventory of its concept of ministry.

At the same time, when Christian parents take their kids to Little League games rather than worship on the Lord's Day, these parents teach their children that team sports are more important than the worship of God.

Every kid has a "thing" going on virtually all the time. That is the condition of life today, it seems. But when that "thing" keeps the child -- or the whole family -- away from church, we need to name that thing what it is . . . at best a snare, at worst an idol.