Counseling and Grief

posted by Wayne Shih @http://acts18910.blogspot.com/

When I first began pastoring, ministering to grieving families was one of many daunting challenges. When it came to comforting the bereaved, I didn't want to be like Job's friends. A book that I found helpful was Warren and David Wiersbe's Comforting the Bereaved. I greatly appreciate their pastoral counsel and insights.

Here's something they say to pastors, but it is just as good for anybody who comes alongside the grieving:
When the pastor ministers to the bereaved, he is putting his own Christian life to the test. He must be vulnerable or else he is not real. He must confess that there are questions he can't answer and feelings he may not want to face. Accustomed to talking, he must learn to be silent and listen. Accustomed to defending God and the Bible, he must lovingly relate to people who wonder if God really cares. The ground is level in the valley of the shadow of death, and the pastor cannot minister from some ecclesiastical eminence.

How often God's people have said to their shepherds, "You were such a help to us! We can never forget what you did!" But as the pastor reflected on "what he did," it seemed as though he had done very little. He visited the home, he listened, he showed that he understood their feelings, he pointed them to God, he related the Word to their needs, and he showed that he cared. There was nothing dramatic about his ministry, but God used it to heal broken hearts and bring peace to his troubled people.

Blesed is the Christian who understands the ministry of comfort! (pp. 7-8).The chapter goes on to offer practical wisdom on how to minister comfort. The book has a paragraph or two on each of the following points:
We can minister comfort by our physical presence.
We can minister comfort by what we say.
We can minister comfort by sharing the Word of God.
We can minister comfort by praying.
We can minister comfort by mobilizing the church family ... to encourage and not just sympathize.

Another resource that is helpful is the brochure Helping a Friend Who Is Grieving by Wally Stephenson. See also his article, Turning Adversity into Advantage: Compassionate Ministries.