Humour: Canadian Sermon Types, eh?

The Maple Syrup: Boils source material down to about 1/50th its starting volume.

The Mountie: When it's most dressed-up, it doesn't arrest anybody.

The Igloo: Goes 'round and 'round until a final capstone is dropped in.

The Curling: Kind of incomprehensible, but everybody seems to have a good time.

The Lacrosse: Fast, hard-hitting, and it's hard to see the points as they're made.

The Hockey Fight: Staggers unsteadily, swinging wildly, but lands a punch or two.

The Canadian: Overly apologetic.

The Snowmobile: Loud and a bit obnoxious, but takes you places you otherwise wouldn't go.

The Beaver: Dams everything in sight.

The Maple Leaf: Has 11 points; always ends up falling to the ground.

The Charismatic: each congregant hears the sermon in his or her own native tongue (as long as it's English or French), but sermons are only given when an interpreter is present.

by Neil Young

The snowsquall: has no idea where its heading any more and ends up in the ditch.

by: Carey Nieuwhof

The Newfoundlander: Starts out on solid ground but then goes fishing and never comes back.

The Albertan: A wealth of natural resources, but never taxes anyone.

The Newfoundland Sermon: "Always a half hour later than everyone else"

by: Mike

Humour: 18 Signs that You’re a Fundamentalist Preacher That Might Need to Study More for Your Sermons

From http://bigorangetruck.wordpress.com/

1. You consider studying for sermons something that lib’rals do instead of soul winning.
2. You prepare your sermons on the way to church, which explains why you recently preached against tan lines, energy drinks, and men wearing short sleeve shirts.
3. You actually make fun of preachers who use Greek and Hebrew in their sermons.
4. You consider volume a fine substitute for substance.
5. To you, “exegete the Greek” is a funny rhyme.
6. You decide on what sins to preach against based on who’s in the congregation.
7. You consider a pulpit more of a punching bag rather than a place to rest your Bible.
8. You have 35 sermon outlines prepared and ready to preach – as soon as you find text verses for them.
9. In a 117 minute sermon, you spent 53 minutes telling stories from your childhood, 47 minutes telling stories from your early ministerial days, 15 minutes denigrating men who wear pleated pants, and 2 minutes explaining your text verse.
10. You have actually spent an entire sermon preaching against the evils of Barney the purple dinosaur.
11. You’re favorite illustrations are Darwin’s deathbed conversion, the “microphone in hell” bit, and Spurgeon giving up his cigars.
12. You quote John Gill as supporting your position against Calvinism.
13. You think people who know what “supralapsarianism” means need to get saved.
14. You think its okay to preach a verse out of context, as long as you tell your people that you’re doing it on purpose.
15. You love to apply Messianic prophecies to yourself.
16. When you preach, you can’t help but say “evangelical” effeminately.
17. You think “expositional” is someone who doesn’t take a position on anything.
18. You’re not sure what TULIP stands for, but you know you’re against it.